It's been such a long time since my last writing on here but I'm still not really coming to terms with the fact that I will never see you again. That's a really hard cold fact when you have to sit and think about it. Some days I can move things to the back of my mind and function, getting on with life in such a way as working, living as such but without you mum things will never be the same. I have spent so much time, well since we lost you fighting the hospital trying to get them to admit their mistake. I got a letter, well rather note of apology yet they got your date and time of death wrong! Disgusting! This just angered me more, therefore I went on... I finally took it to the top as they knew they could no longer fob me off due to my training in medicine. Well I have finally received a letter of apology stating they did make an error of judgement yet they feel that it probably wouldn't have made much difference... how do they bloody well know that! In fact that's rubbish and a cover up... do I go on fighting??? It's so draining... it won't bring you back but I told you that I would fight for you and that's what I'm doing... Oh mum everyday without fail you are in my thoughts and will always be in my heart. I miss you like I never believed it possible to miss anyone... it's so painful... still, will it ever ease... I love you mum always xxx

Mum visiting u today and placing flowers upon ur grave, I still find so difficult... I just can't comprehend that u really are there and not ever coming back, it's not right, certainly not fair but then life's not fair is it. I'm so glad your silk flowers still look pretty and full of colour, seeing them today makes me glad I decided to get them, they look good along with the other flowers u have or even when the wretched animals keep eating the heads of your flowers, at least they can't eat them! Love and miss u mum xxx

Spent a lovely few hours walking around the shops with Paul and the girls yesterday mum... had a coffee and a natter, was nice catching up, we're both so busy time flies so quickly you don't even realise. You would have loved it being there with us both, I still miss you so very much and I don't always go out on a Saturday now, without you there doesn't seem much point. I love you mum, how much I can't explain, in you leaving has left a massive empty hole in my life... xxx