Mum I'm sitting here just staring at ur picture still disbelieving that I will never see u again, I sometimes wish it would just sink in that ur gone but it doesn't totally... It still feels so surreal and that I've just not seen u for a long time but someday soon we'll be going out again like we used to... My mind plays tricks making me believe in this but I know deep down that it's me in denial of u being gone... Sometimes the pain seems so bad and unbearable that I can't breathe, maybe that's why my mind does it... Oh mum I don't know how to deal with it ... I'm good at giving other's advice and supporting others but when it comes to myself I'm rubbish... I had u to talk to before and u would help me, tell me I was being silly but now???? Love u mum xxx